A guide to 'Live-in Relationship' in India!

Hello Potatoes,

Living alone anywhere is HARD, let alone, in a ‘live-in relationship’ is one step ahead where you feel like you’re thrown into Olympics where you need to race and DEFEAT all the ‘married’, ‘settled’, and ‘families’ group of people. I kid you not, when I say DEFEAT because there’s a lot more at stake than just an individual or two individuals in this matter, losing a fight over our basic rights just because of our ‘marital status’.

It’s one of the eerily similar situations, where one person holds a degree, other one doesn’t and they both are fighting for that ONE job but you know that in the likes of this situation a person with degree has a higher chance of getting the job sadly, which in turn makes it even more stressful for you to prove that you deserve it equally if, not more!

‘Live-in relationships’ has been recently recognised by our government and surprisingly with a positive note but with some bizarre rules. I’ll get to that in a bit but first, let me give you an insight on how you can defeat all the ‘tags’ and rent out a place without compromising on your ‘criterias’.

STEP 1:

House hunting: You select a city, an area/suburb, you finalise a budget and you hop on to google hoping for the best for the both of you! The dream of living with your partner should not blurry the reality in front of you. Mind you, it gets challenging, so gulp down some chocolate soy milk and sit on your laptop to start the first step of your battle. Select the areas which will be a middle ground from your work stations for the both of you.

STEP 2:
Contacting Agents/Owners/Landlords: This is the part where it feels like ‘On the job training’ because after all the possible theories that you endlessly discuss with your partner, believe me, you’ll sometimes encounter completely unexpected and a lot of petty remarks! Did I mention, thick skin and patience is the key to finding a suitable place for both of you?! :D

Always tell them the truth, at least to the landlord. This way you’re avoiding the risk of getting ‘caught’ later and escape the drama that comes with it.

Telling the truth is appreciated by genuine landlords who are open-minded towards renting out their place to an ‘unmarried couple’.

Always ask your questions and don’t just answer theirs. Basic questions about the rent, deposit, maintenance, electricity/water supply, security. This gives an impression that you know your stuff and you understand the responsibilities that comes with it.

If you have a pet(s), always ask if they are open to having pets. Now, we do have a rule that the society committees’ cannot ban other residents from having pets but the individual has the right to not renting out their property to pet parents if they are not comfortable. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about that and it’s best to leave that deal right there because you should rather have a landlord who is accepting towards pet animals and not someone who has their dislikes towards animals.

I won’t recommend going through ‘agents’ because for one, it can get expensive and out of the budget if you have a rigid one. Two, they might lie to the landlords about the ‘live-in’ that you told them and later it would cause a problem to you and your partner. Best to look out for the place yourselves and to connect with owners directly. Although, keep this as a last resort!

Now if you’re looking to rent a bigger place, say a villa or an independent house/row house that’s a whole different tangent you need to place your bets on. You gotta do the same thing here as well but this can get really expensive depending on the city and area you’re looking to move. R&D is your best friend here!



STEP 3:

Visiting the prospect location/houses: Best to visit with your partner and directly meet the landlord during the visitation, if not, mutually decide as per the availability of both the parties. Check out every detail properly. The location, area, the security system, gated community, facilities, amenities, any extra hidden charges, maintenance cost, transportation system if you have to depend on public transport or if you do have a vehicle then check out the parking space, the distance that you both individually need to cover, to-fro.

STEP 4:

Making it official: Before even looking to swipe that debit/credit card of yours or withdrawing money, make sure you have an official contract in your hand whilst making the payment, if not prior to it. You can mutually decide with your partner if either of you individually like to rent it for the ‘papers’ or mutually and officially split it between the two of you, this will be a huge benefit for the individuals because if the time comes, you can apply for a loan, credit cards, license etc that will help you claim that you reside in the rented apartment, that’s legitimate because agreement proof. My suggestion, go for the splitting part, so it’s not just one of you to be ‘claimed’ in times of ‘crisis’.

Step 5:

The checklist: Create a checklist of all the things you ‘NEED’ in the house. You saw what I did there? ;) I stress on ‘NEED’ because it can be an overwhelming feeling that you will be moving in with the person you actually like and are willing to take the risk of bearing them under the same roof. :D that may end up making you spend some unnecessary bucks (ahem… I’m a financial advisor now, lul!) No seriously, if you have enough to sustain for the same month that you move in, than by all means PARTAYY!!

Checklist can be of the things you need in the house, kitchen utensils, hall/living room, bedroom, bathroom etc.

Step 6:

The Aftermath! LOL!!: No kidding, moving in can be a pretty big deal for some people. So, take it slow and one day at a time. It’s new, exciting, overwhelming, nerve wrecking sometimes too. It’s like having a roommate for life (better than anything else). Remember, always have an open, honest and safe (a safe environment for both of you to share without worrying about judgements-at least at first :P) conversations.

Let’s weigh some pros-cons:
Perks of live-in:
1. You equally share everything from finances to responsibilities to fun and to joints! :P

2. You are not restricted because of any ‘tags’ or any ‘family members/in-laws’ around.

3. You have freedom, independence, peace.

4. You and only you both can make decisions about your own lives.

5. You become a confidant for each other and you get to learn and explore different things about one another.

6. You can invite friends whenever, go out whenever, decide in the last moment that you won’t be home tonight and your partner would be cool with it.

7. You have fun days, chores days, grocery shopping days, sex days and what not!

Cons of live-in:
1. You guys thought, I won’t speak of cons?! Well, everything has its pros-cons and no relationship is perfect (we shouldn’t even aim for one) be it tagged in front of the government or not. No one can give you a guarantee if your relationship will last. You never know how things turn out, so it’s always best to experience it and be respectful of each other’s decisions, no matter if you agree with it or not.

2. Sometimes people fight and at that moment, you don’t really have anywhere to turn around except for stepping out of the house or hiding yourself in another room. (Always get a house with an extra spare room for such times) :D

3. It can get mundane sometimes and that may make you contemplate your decision but do not worry, this is totally natural and because we are social animals, we tend to get bored of the routine surroundings pretty easily. Hence, keep going out and exploring together or solo too. This problem has its solution as well!

4. When live-in fails, it can affect different people different ways but try not to make this a very public knowledge(by public I mean the residents you live in) because your reasons may completely be personal but the people around you, will judge the remaining small percent of live-in couples. (I’m not saying you’re obligated to being nice all the time, I just mean for you to be responsible for a greater good).

5.  ……………….

Nah… I don’t think there’s anything else. But hey, if you are in a live-in and maybe if you have a different experience then please share with me by commenting down below. I would love to know a different perspective from someone who had such experience(s).

You mutually decide considering both of your situations and figure out a solution for it. It’s completely and only on the two individuals how they shape their relationship.

I do not encourage marriage, wedding, nor do I encourage live-in as these are personal choices and nobody has the right to dictate otherwise.

Face the remarks and learn to toss them in the trash!

Annoying things live-in people face:

Why not get married if you guys live like a ‘married couple’?: So, basically these guys mean that only a relationship which is broadcasted publicly and stamped by each other’s names (actually women stamped by men's surnames and sometimes a different first name altogether) is the only valuable and attainable relationship a human can have?!

You guys are completely like ‘married-couple’: what is married-couple? Two individuals can be roommates sharing the responsibilities, utilities, finances, will they be labelled as ‘married-couples’? Two men or two women sharing the apartment, not once do they get questioned, if they are in a live-in relationship. Why? Because how can the same gender be in a live-in when they shouldn’t be into each other at all, right?!

You will change your thoughts in few years, this is a phase: I might change my thoughts from wearing a pant to pajamas but this ain’t a phase buddy. It’s called being a responsible adult. Marriage isn’t the only way one becomes responsible. Marriage can actually cost great damage and collateral damage to one’s identity, stability, mental peace, finance and so on….

Log kya kahenge? What will people think?: Well, All I would like to say, ‘don’t poke your nose, where it doesn’t belong!’ :D

What does law say about ‘live-in’ relationships?

The law is still hazy and doesn’t really drive any strong base conclusion over or derive specific rights and rules for it but it certainly acknowledges and allows two consensual adult human beings to cohabit together without getting ‘married’.

It creepily also states that two adult living together for a long-term will be considered married until proven otherwise. So no matter you like it or not, if a situation arises, you’ll be stamped, unfortunately!

The Court stated that a live-in relationship will fall within the expression “relationship in the nature of marriage” under Section 2(f) of the Protection of women Against Domestic Violence Act,2005 and provided certain guidelines to get an insight of such relationships. Also, there should be a close analysis of the entire relationship, in other words, all facets of the interpersonal relationship need to be taken into account, including the individual factors. - LegallyIndia (read more here)

So, my potatoes are you ready to break through the stereotypes, creepy stares, the endless questions, the judgments and whole bunch of rejections before you start your lives together?! :D

Remember, it may be immoral for people around you but it's legal and it's a right for an individual to decide how they want to live and our law supports us! So do not worry about losers who are deep into their patriarchal practices!

P.S A lot of you may think that I completely missed out on the part where you tell your ‘Parents’! Well, NOPE! I didn’t because that will be a part TWO of this article because it needs and deserves a whole freaking blogpost. :D So stay tuned!

Welcome to real world! t sucks! You’re gonna love it! 

- Quoting, Monica Geller <3 

Laters Potatoes!